Healing Wounds

6:59 AM Edit This 1 Comment »

Healing my wounds. I was sharing what had gone down last winter with my husband to one of my very good friends from childhood. For some reason I had never told her, guess I was to self absorbed. Or I thought possibly she had read my blog. As I was retelling the event I started thinking about how much of a pushover I am. Was I an idiot for staying and giving him a second chance? I don’t know. I do know that if it was only me I would have slammed the door in his face. But I have these beautiful little girls that need their daddy, and the thought of trying to make it on my own was overwhelming. But now? Now I think I could do it. I sort of am doing it. He’s not here and I have been so stress-free! My judgement is so impaired when it comes to my relationships with men. I always seem to end up in some sort of terrible situation and it ends so ugly. I’m so tired of that. My girls are managing and have adjusted much easier than I thought they would.

Yesterday we went to the fish house parade. It’s a crazy thing the town does each year, sort of celebrating winter. My girls have never been to a parade. Isn't’t that sad? My oldest was sitting in the stroller since the youngest wanted to be held. When candy was thrown her way she didn't’t know what to do. Then when I told her she should get up and grab it she was too shy to do it. Some of the ladies standing by us picked some up and gave it to her. She really liked it and I’m glad we went. Then we went into the coffee shop where my nephew was playing a gig with his group. McInnis’ Kitchen is the name of it, I’m hoping to get the video we took on You Tube, and will put it up here when and if I do. They play Celtic music, music of the Atlantic Maritime (Newfoundland, etc). I’m so proud of him and his music ability! He plays violin and I really admire his talent!


Safa said...

WOnderful about taking the day out with the girls......I am also doing many firsts that I've never done before.....I even let my children go out for Halloween...(OOOHHHH NOOOO!)

But I've suddenly realized that it's the parent that you are in the home that shapes your kids....oh yes, there are outside influences....but as a parent, we build FOUNDATIONS.

I know that my foundation was suffering when Hubbex started up all his games. That was NOT the person I wanted them around.

And like you....I stayed for those children.....I stayed two years....suffered through hell and back....thinking, believing and WILLING him to rededicate himself to his children and our marriage.

It never happened.

It's been 5 mos now, Cindi....and he has not had ANY contact with these children that he always said were his world. How efficiently a man can cut off his limbs.....where us mothers would rather die than hurt our children.

You are doing the strong thing, Cindi. It's tough and sometimes it sucks...but you WILL perservere.......

I just know you will........