Cup of Blessings

Just happened to realize that I hadn't posted here in almost a month! What a busy month it's been!

The visit with the ex was predictable. Those of you who hang out on facebook or SSF with me know the details. This time he got curious because his brother called to ask about the girls when I posted of FB that the girls had been sick to their stomachs. So he took my laptop when I was at work and went into MY facebook account and read all the bitchy gripes I had about him. Then, when he picked me up from work, he asked if I wrote things about him on facebook. I confirmed it. Then he laid into me about it. But he said his brother had told him everything! I was furious because his SIL was still on my friend list with the understanding that what I wrote there was not to be shared with his brother or him. I removed her. He then had the balls to ask for nooky that night. Then the next morning it occured to me that he could very well have checked facebook himself on my computer. I ripped him a new one! I told him how angry I was at him and that I didn't trust a thing he told me, that he was such a liar he didn't know how to stop. I also told him that if he was going to get into my personal life which is none of his business and continue to think he had a right to sex he would have to stay somewhere else when he visited. Glad that one came to an end! I pray that I get over my rage where he's concerned.

I had my divorce hearing Dec. 18th and got what I wanted. I got the child support he and I agreed on as well as SOLE custody (physical and legal) of the kids. What a relief!!

Christmas was so much fun this year! Aliyah was really into it because of school activities. They had a cute Christmas program at school where each grade sang songs. Then she had a program at the church which was great! Put me in the spirit! As usual our family Christmas was full of gifts and fun with the family. I was horribly sick so just laid around but nice to see everyone!

I decided after a month of working days that I preferred nights. I never thought that I would say that but I really do better with that pace. Having to deal with all the visitors, extra staff and doctors running around was very distracting! As of Feb. 8th I'll be back on nights.

I'm hoping for a much better year this year than the last 2 years, no, the last 3 years! Our lives have improved measurably but I know it can be even better!

Happy New Year!

Or has anyone noticed that there are a lot of commercials about bipolar disorder? A local news network, KARE 11, keeps mentioning it in the newscast so I finally clicked the link.........it's from a drug company that makes Seroquel! Now, while I think there should be a LOT more information to the public about this painful and debilitating disorder I don't like that it's because a drug company wants to push it's product.

I'm in a cycling mood lately I think. I go from feeling really down and too tired to do anything to going shopping as I did yesterday. I spent too much. Well, it was needed. I haven't bought any bigger size clothes for over a year and a half. I refused because I was losing weight. I stalled in my weight loss and I'm tired of nothing but yoga pants to slob around in. I bought a couple pairs of jeans, some sweaters and long sleeve tops. I feel better, like I can dress nicer. Before I had ONE pair of jeans that fit me and those were a pair my mom had given me...........she's lost weight since starting metformin and is back down to a size 10! No need for size 16's. Yeah, that's the current size I can get into and I'm not happy about it. Anyways, going out and spending too much is typically a symptom of my hypomania and the rest is just the crappy depression that's always dogging me.

Other than my spending spree yesterday I've been trying to get my home into shape for the ex's visit. I'm locking up and putting away my important paperwork. Doing a light cleaning----leaving the heavy stuff for him, heh, heh, last time he was bored and wanted to clean so this time I'm leaving him something to clean. The dog hair alone should put him into a frenzy.

Not much else happening. Aliyah has to get her seasonal flu shot today after school. She's such a brave little girl. She's already had her H1N1 so just this left. I'm sure I'll have more to write after "the visit."

I'm home today by myself. Well, Belle (cat) and Charlie (dog) are here with me but both kids are at school/daycare. So I've just had some time to do whatever I wanted...........even got to use the bathroom undisturbed!

Then the phone rang. It's the ex. It was about some formalities that were left with the house. Then this discussion happened:

Him: Sometimes I really miss you.

Me: Yeah, it's not always nice to be alone.

Me: I hope you know that I still stand by what I did by leaving. We are better off apart than together. Together we can parent our kids but not to be husband and wife. Maybe friends some day.

Him: So maybe if we're friends we can do other things?

Me: No

Him: C'mon! I gave you the divorce!

Me: The divorce would have happened whether or not you "gave me the divorce." I don't feel that way about you anymore!

Him: Is there someone else?

Me: That has nothing to do with this. I don't want YOU that way! It isn't going to happen, not now, not ever again so quit asking or it's going to make things difficult.

Suddenly he has nothing more to say. I just can't believe him! I feel like telling him to go get his new wife and leave me alone! I avoid these phone calls when the kids aren't around because it always comes back to this. He thinks he should get whatever he wants and I should do whatever he wants. He's having problems with the reality.

So I brace myself for another visit. He's coming the first part of December. I'm sure he will try to convince me again. I can't stand it!

Other than his petty annoyances I can't complain. The kids and I are happy and thriving so I really try to brush his crap off. I also write it here to get it out of my system!