Cup of Blessings

The ex was not happy to hear we had a dog, heh, heh. He wanted to do a video chat with the girls last night and Aliyah didn't waste any time showing him Charlie. Of course the old bullshit about dog hair, etc started coming out. I just said HE didn't have any say in this, he had lost that right. I wanted a dog, Aliyah wanted a dog. It worked out.

He started crying at one point in the chat. Aliyah just looked at me with discomfort, she didn't know how to react to him bursting out in tears. I calmly told him that he really needed to get a grip on himself that she was not handling it well when he did that. Then today he called with some phone numbers I needed. He started talking about how depressed he was. Good Lord! I told him I didn't doubt he was depressed but he's been sitting in an empty house for a year and not doing anything. I told him that he needed to not be alone, to call friends or visit friends and also consider antidepressants. It's all I can do now. I once again told him that breaking down in front of the girls was scaring and confusing them. He said he's just so lonely. I told him he had no one to blame but himself. What did he expect was going to happen when he had behaved the way he had in our marriage. He said "oh, it was one huge mistake and I'm always going to be reminded of it." I just said "no it wasn't just the one time and it wasn't just the cheating but the verbal crap I was force fed everyday." He returned that I couldn't prove he had done it more than the one time. I said I didn't need to, that I was trusting my gut and it says he was a dirty lying cheating man. What's up with this anyways? Why doesn't he get it? Even if he had a total personality transplant I wouldn't take him back. He betrayed me and the vows we gave to each other. I told him when we got engaged that if he ever lied and cheated on me the marriage would be over and there would be no chance at reconciliation. I gave him a chance now it's done. I also reiterated today that I did not want my girls growing up thinking that how we were with each other is the way married, in love people should act nor that they should let anyone treat them the way he treated me.

He's never gonna change.

But we're otherwise happy and enjoying a home with pets and doing things the way we want to do them. I got a collaspible wire crate for Charlie and as I sit writing this Aliyah is using it for a table and Layla is inside it playing, lol. The dog wants nothing to do with it and the kids love it. I thought it would be a great time out spot, muhahaha. Only in my fantasies about dealing with unruly kids.

We're looking forward to Halloween tomorrow night. Aliyah is dressing as a bat. I'm still not sure if Layla is going to dress up or not, I guess I'll play it by ear.

So the ex calls tonight as he does most nights to talk to the girls, who, of course, don't want to talk. Nothing new there. Then he pissed me off.

We had a Brinks (now Broadview) security system in our house in Connecticut. In order to cancel our service before the two year mark we had to send them a copy of a new lease that showed a different address and proved they couldn't install a system at that address. No biggie. I printed a standard lease and filled it in and the ex faxed it to them. Then the assholes tell him no they need a letter from that landlord stating that an alarm system wouldn't be allowed. WTF? Okay so I wrote a letter supposedly from a landlord that said a system couldn't be installed. Well now the account has gone to collections. Now he is told that they need a copy of the lease and a utility bill. What bullshit! Then he finds out that even if we wanted to keep that sytem they don't have service in this town! So why can't a letter be sent stating that there isn't service from this company in this town and here's a copy of the lease, utilities are included in rent? I told the ex to pull up the lease and add that in and send that. He wanted me to do it "because you have a printer" I don't want to deal with this, he said he would take care of it and he should. He did this when we were together, I had to take care of all of this sort of stuff. Then, if something didn't work out right, it was MY fault! So I tell him I don't want to do this. Then he tries the guilt trip. "That's okay, I'll do it. You don't want to do it, I'll do it." You know the tone of voice, right? It was more like "you should do it, you should feel bad for making me do it." NO. MORE. That phase of my life is done.

I realized that I never wrote about calling him on his stupidity. The picture with the girl? I wasn't going to say anything to him about it, we're apart so whatever. Then when he was telling me what a great mother I was he tells me not to bring men around if I start dating. Excuse me? He has no right telling me that! If I'm a great parent then I'm obviously going to be careful who I bring around my girls. What a douche. So I told him that if we were going to get into all of that then HE needed to watch what he does in respect to other women. That Aliyah and I saw the picture of him kissing the girl. He stuttered a bit saying it was a joke. Didn't look like a joke to me, so I said so. I also told him that if they were joking around why take a picture with his camera. I told him that I don't believe him, he didn't need to give me excuses and lies. Just watch how he behaved. I don't want the girls being around some bimbo either.

When I started thinking about this I think that the Turkish woman was not the first time he cheated on me. I'm very suspicious of a woman that we had watching Aliyah for a short time the first winter we had her. She kept getting ear infections and then got RSV so I pulled her out of daycare and this woman, who was the wife of one of the ex's employees came to watch her the days I worked. She was really young, early 20s, and nice looking. She eventually quit because it was too hard for her to get to our place in time in the mornings. Then some crap went down with the guy so Fayaz had to let him go. Before the Turkish woman was discovered he had brought this small carry-on suitcase home. He told me it was the former babysitter's, (BTW, the woman and her husband split up)that she had to move out of the apartment she was living in because she wasn't getting along with the room mate. I was suspicious of that and said I didn't think he should get involved with that situation. He ignored me. I bet anything he had a little something going on there, too. Amazing how all this comes to light. He's the girls father, and I will make the effort to get along with him for them. I just wish that he would quit expecting me to do wifey things for him.

I haven't felt inspired to write anything lately. Kind of an anticlimax having the divorce papers signed. He agreed to what I wanted, now it's up to the judge to sign off on it. The ex said he got a letter along with the order for going to a parent education. Our court date is December 18. Merry Christmas to me, haha.

We had to complete a parenting course as part of the divorce. It was a lot of childhood development, much like my psych course in college as well as pediatric nursing. It was good, found some useful tips. The best part? The ex told me after reading that he realized I was doing the right thing with the girls. He didn't like that I put them in time out or took something away for awhile as discipline. He also didn't like that I rarely detoured from the schedule I have them on......gotta have a routine or it's chaos. He complemented my parenting! Wow! We did a course online and you have access to it for a month so he sent the link and password to his brother and told him that they needed to go through it. I doubt it would register with them how screwed up their family dynamics are.

While he was here we got a family picture taken. He was upset that I didn't have his picture anywhere for the girls. I told him the only one I had was when he had a mustache and Aliyah didn't like it. I had thought of getting the girls photographed and getting one of him to put in their room. He wanted a family picture which is okay. We are still a family, just not in the traditional role. They turned out nice so I'll put one up when I get them back.
My laptop got a virus and won't do a thing for me. I'm stuck with the desktop pc for now until I get it fixed. It's still under warranty so it shouldn't be a problem.

I also found out that I got a position on the day shift at work. No more nights! Yayyyy! I will miss the quiet. I didn't have to deal with family members for the most part and all the ancillary people. I do think it will help with the girls......my mom won't have to spend the night with them anymore. The only trick now is organizing to get them picked up after daycare/school and fed supper. I work 12 hour shifts so I will be there until 7:30 pm. Single parenting is tricky.

I went to see a speaker last Sunday. It was Greg Mortenson's mom talking about his project. I mentioned his book 'Three Cups of Tea'. He's an amazing and inspiring man. Hearing her talk about Pakistan and the traditions there, some of the things they are faced with. It made me realize that I will miss a lot of that cultural stuff. I would love to be a part of this but that's just a dream. If I could I would go with them there to help with the setup of schools. I so strongly believe that everyone should have a good education as a foundation for life. There are studies on terrorism that say that if people are educated they rarely get involved in these groups. There are always exceptions. I also think it's great that this is for the girls. Girls get a bad rap it seems in remote villages like he visited (as they do in lower income areas here). They don't know anything else so this is the life they accept. One of the girls from the first village had gone on to be educated as a midwife. Since she's returned to the village and started practice, no mother or baby has died in childbirth! It benefits the community when kids are educated. I can't stress that enough!

Guess that's it for now!