Cup of Blessings

We are home!

Last Wednesday Layla went to surgery to have the packing removed from her ear.  She hemorrhaged again!  She was rushed to Interventional Radiology for an emergent angiocath.  She ended up having a coil placed in the cut to her artery to stop the bleeding.  They had to pack her ear.  She got another unit of blood.  She was reintubated.  Another visit to the PICU.

I was a mess!  I was sobbing off and on all day and felt so alone!  I had talked to my parents and my brother.  I called Layla’s father and updated  him.  He was due to arrive that evening for a few days.  So nice he could find time for his child in his life!  I finally let one of my friends know what happened.  She dropped everything to come and sit with me!  Thank God for friends like her!  

So once again I had to see my baby fight the sedation, fight the vent , mouth the word mama around the tube.  It ripped me up inside.  The father arrived, cried at her bedside them complained about his sleeping arrangements.  I had a room at the Ronald McDonald House but I wanted one of us AT the hospital.  I was exhausted from the previous 5 days.  

She ended up being extubated and off the vent after 24 hours instead of 48.  It was causing her more stress than letting her be awake. 

Once she was awake then I was adamant that one of us stay with her.  I asked him to do this that night again.  I figured he hadn’t been there with her going through this as I had, that he could stay and give me a chance to get rest.  He got mad!!  He wanted to go see his friend who lives in Minneapolis and somehow that was more important to him.  Still a selfish person!  I just said that he had to stay and he did but was mad about it.  After that, I didn’t ask him for anything else.

On Saturday my parents came down with Aliyah to visit.  She knew her father was there and she didn’t want to come, she wanted to stay home.  She was told she had to visit.  It went well, Layla was so happy to see her big sister and just came alive!  It was so good to see her acting like a kid instead of just sitting zoning out.  Then, at supper, it was suggested we order pizza.  My mom told me to order cheese for them instead of the usual pepperoni.  I should have listened.  So a cheese and a pepperoni pizza were ordered.  I have fed the girls pork at home.  It’s my decision, it’s my right to decide how to raise them.  He signed off on that right when we got divorced.  I have just never made an issue of it and have been careful to have a menu lined up when he visits that doesn’t include pork.  Not hiding it from him but not going to slap him in the face with it, either.  Of course then both girls wanted the pepperoni!  I was tired and I was pissed at him and his bullshit so I just put the pepperoni on their plates.  He got mad, threw his plate down and walked out of the room.  Crap.  I can understand how it took him by surprise and made him mad but really did he have to put on such a display?  Aliyah asked what was wrong.  I told her he was upset about something, not to worry about it.  After my parents left with Aliyah to go home he read me the riot act!  I told him that I would NOT get into an argument with him, I did NOT want to discuss it, I know how he feels about it and I didn’t care.  He has no respect for me so I’m returning the favor, I have none for him!  That really got him riled up.  I once again said I didn’t want to argue about it, especially in front of Layla who needed, HELLO!, her parents there for her.  She was what was most important.  

 I asked him if he stayed that night if he would let her sleep next to him.  He said no.  What the hell?  This is the way she sleeps at home and what she wants now.  I told him to go ahead and leave or go to hell that I would stay and give her comfort.  Her comfort was what was most important, not my own or his!  The jerk went back and slept at R.M.H.  He left on Sunday and I was happy to see him go!

On Monday Layla returned to IR for another angiogram to make sure the coil they placed was intact.  It was unchanged from the previous scan done during placement.  She wouldn’t stay still after the angiogram, either!  The recovery room nurse was holding her when they brought me back.  It was amusing, she’s such a fierce little tiger.  She stayed fairly quiet once we got back to the room.  I got a movie for her to watch and we colored.

She was released yesterday to come home.  We will have to go back in 4 weeks to have another angiogram but so far all is well.  What a scary, scary situation to experience!  I continue to pray that all goes well.